1
00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:01,880
When did I last clean behind there?

2
00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:07,920
Oh!

3
00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:09,200
Bugger.

4
00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:18,240
Sorry, Ted.

5
00:01:46,156 --> 00:01:48,156
Sod the housework.

6
00:01:49,876 --> 00:01:52,716
I thought we'd dump the kids off
at my mum's and make a day of it.

7
00:01:52,716 --> 00:01:54,956
We haven't been to Ikea for a while.

8
00:01:54,956 --> 00:01:56,596
We could have meatballs and chips?

9
00:01:56,596 --> 00:01:59,836
As always. Or maybe see
if they fancy a sleepover

10
00:01:59,836 --> 00:02:01,356
and we could have a night out.

11
00:02:01,356 --> 00:02:04,516
Mm. Your Mum would love that!

12
00:02:04,516 --> 00:02:08,236
I'm just, erm, trying to get...

13
00:02:08,236 --> 00:02:11,076
You're not diddly-fiddling
with your photos, are you?

14
00:02:11,076 --> 00:02:13,156
Have I lost you for the weekend now?

15
00:02:13,156 --> 00:02:16,116
I'm just getting these pictures
from the park nice.

16
00:02:16,116 --> 00:02:20,276
Hey, look at this new thing
I've got - the healing brush.

17
00:02:20,276 --> 00:02:22,676
Gets rid of lines and wrinkles.

18
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:25,276
Who the hell's that? Your mum.

19
00:02:25,276 --> 00:02:26,676
She looks like a foetus.

20
00:02:30,476 --> 00:02:31,996
Yeah, maybe.

21
00:02:31,996 --> 00:02:34,876
I tell you what, why don't you
drop the kids off,

22
00:02:34,876 --> 00:02:38,356
then pick me up on the way back
through? I'll be five minutes.

23
00:02:38,356 --> 00:02:42,156
Come on, kids, we're going out.

24
00:02:42,156 --> 00:02:44,476
Liam, will you put some clothes on,
please?

25
00:02:44,476 --> 00:02:46,876
I've seen enough
of your willy for one day!

26
00:02:54,876 --> 00:02:58,036
What are you playing at? Did you
order a cooked breakfast for one?

27
00:02:58,036 --> 00:02:59,916
No. What's going on?

28
00:02:59,916 --> 00:03:02,156
Full English with all the trimmings.

29
00:03:02,156 --> 00:03:05,916
Bacon, egg, beans... Well, spaghetti
hoops, there were no beans.

30
00:03:05,916 --> 00:03:08,756
Tea and toast. Newspaper, ironed.

31
00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:11,116
Have you got something to tell me?

32
00:03:11,116 --> 00:03:12,516
Are the police here?

33
00:03:12,516 --> 00:03:15,196
I just wanted to do
something nice for you.

34
00:03:15,196 --> 00:03:17,836
And...?
Look, I know it's surprising.

35
00:03:17,836 --> 00:03:22,436
I thought, let's just have
a nice day. Just the two of us.

36
00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:25,116
Pfft! What about Snitch and Snatch?

37
00:03:25,116 --> 00:03:26,716
They're off making bombs somewhere.

38
00:03:26,716 --> 00:03:29,716
And where does your mum and Paula
and the von Trapps fit into this?

39
00:03:29,716 --> 00:03:32,356
They don't. This is just about us.

40
00:03:32,356 --> 00:03:34,236
Could be nice.

41
00:03:34,236 --> 00:03:36,836
Mm-hmm. Unusual.

42
00:03:38,756 --> 00:03:41,516
How long before the arsenic
kicks in?

43
00:03:42,916 --> 00:03:46,636
Does Nan know she's looking after us
all day? And night.

44
00:03:46,636 --> 00:03:49,876
Not yet. But she said she'd be in.

45
00:03:49,876 --> 00:03:51,156
She'll be made up.

46
00:03:55,556 --> 00:03:56,876
Coo-ee!

47
00:03:58,676 --> 00:03:59,716
Hiya, Nan!

48
00:04:01,156 --> 00:04:03,716
Oh, she's not here.

49
00:04:06,876 --> 00:04:08,276
Where's Nan?

50
00:04:08,276 --> 00:04:11,316
Have you tried upstairs?
Maybe she's playing hide and seek.

51
00:04:11,316 --> 00:04:14,236
Nan?! Coming, ready or not!

52
00:04:14,236 --> 00:04:15,916
Nan?!

53
00:04:15,916 --> 00:04:17,516
Nan?!

54
00:04:17,516 --> 00:04:19,756
She's hidden well.

55
00:04:24,076 --> 00:04:25,796
Mum?

56
00:04:27,556 --> 00:04:29,356
Aww!

57
00:04:34,996 --> 00:04:36,396
Nan?!

58
00:04:37,876 --> 00:04:39,316
Where is she?

59
00:04:39,316 --> 00:04:41,436
No sign of her, Mum.

60
00:04:41,436 --> 00:04:43,396
Did you do this? No.

61
00:04:43,396 --> 00:04:46,036
She wouldn't go out
leaving it like this.

62
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:48,196
Mother?!

63
00:04:48,196 --> 00:04:49,276
Nan?

64
00:04:49,276 --> 00:04:52,356
It looks like she left in a hurry.
Or maybe she was disturbed and...

65
00:04:52,356 --> 00:04:53,836
Jack!

66
00:04:53,836 --> 00:04:55,636
Has Nana been abducted?

67
00:04:55,636 --> 00:04:58,196
No. Where did you
hear about abductions?

68
00:04:58,196 --> 00:04:59,676
I saw it on Spooks.

69
00:04:59,676 --> 00:05:02,316
Yeah, well,
you shouldn't be watching that.

70
00:05:02,316 --> 00:05:04,236
It scares the living daylights
out of me.

71
00:05:04,236 --> 00:05:05,836
Why is the holiday album out?

72
00:05:05,836 --> 00:05:07,916
She said she'd be in all day.

73
00:05:07,916 --> 00:05:09,876
And the back door was unlocked.

74
00:05:09,876 --> 00:05:11,436
That's not like her.

75
00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:13,876
Where is she?

76
00:05:40,756 --> 00:05:42,476
Now, what did I say about mobiles?

77
00:05:42,476 --> 00:05:44,516
Whoever's it is, turn it off.

78
00:05:44,516 --> 00:05:46,916
It's not mine. Mine's on silent.

79
00:05:49,196 --> 00:05:51,076
I think it's you, lady.

80
00:05:51,076 --> 00:05:53,396
No, it can't be.

81
00:05:53,396 --> 00:05:54,636
Is it?

82
00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:58,796
Oh, it is. I'm so sorry.

83
00:05:58,796 --> 00:06:02,356
My grandkids have changed
the ringtone AGAIN.

84
00:06:02,356 --> 00:06:05,636
Sorry. I'll put it on silent now.
Sorry, sorry.

85
00:06:05,636 --> 00:06:07,756
Oh, line went dead. Got cut off.

86
00:06:07,756 --> 00:06:10,276
She's been kidnapped. It's al-Qaeda.

87
00:06:10,276 --> 00:06:12,436
Phone her back. Phone her back!

88
00:06:14,756 --> 00:06:18,036
Now it's just ringing. Answerphone.

89
00:06:18,036 --> 00:06:20,356
Mother, it's me. We're at yours.

90
00:06:20,356 --> 00:06:21,796
Where are you?

91
00:06:21,796 --> 00:06:24,916
The back door was open, your stuff's
all over the place, like you've...

92
00:06:24,916 --> 00:06:28,476
Have you been abducted by aliens?

93
00:06:28,476 --> 00:06:30,796
Aliens?! Just joking.

94
00:06:30,796 --> 00:06:34,236
Erm, you're probably down the shops.
Anyway, could you give us a call?

95
00:06:34,236 --> 00:06:36,116
OK, ta-ra.

96
00:06:37,956 --> 00:06:39,436
Will we ever see her again?

97
00:06:39,436 --> 00:06:43,396
Of course we will.
She'll have just popped out.

98
00:06:43,396 --> 00:06:45,516
I'm going to put on CBeebies for you.

99
00:06:45,516 --> 00:06:48,236
Can't we have something else on?
It's for kids, that.

100
00:06:48,236 --> 00:06:50,476
You are kids.

101
00:06:53,716 --> 00:06:56,836
Come on, you just have to trust me.

102
00:06:56,836 --> 00:06:59,876
Are me Mum and Dad
doing kinky stuff?

103
00:06:59,876 --> 00:07:02,076
As if! More like blind man's buff.

104
00:07:02,076 --> 00:07:04,716
Now, you wait there.

105
00:07:08,276 --> 00:07:10,636
Right, take it off.

106
00:07:10,636 --> 00:07:12,556
Ta-da!

107
00:07:12,556 --> 00:07:14,036
Oh.

108
00:07:14,036 --> 00:07:16,516
I thought you might have bought me
a new bathroom suite

109
00:07:16,516 --> 00:07:19,516
and secretly decorated it for me.
I hate this bathroom!

110
00:07:19,516 --> 00:07:22,956
I've got your favourite bubble bath
and everything. "Hello Vera".

111
00:07:22,956 --> 00:07:25,076
I thought we could both get in.

112
00:07:25,076 --> 00:07:27,196
Don't be so ridiculous.

113
00:07:30,196 --> 00:07:32,596
Oh, it's only our Paula.
Right on cue!

114
00:07:32,596 --> 00:07:35,716
I was just about to say
you could have the taps.

115
00:07:43,356 --> 00:07:45,356
You might as well answer it.

116
00:07:45,356 --> 00:07:46,956
It might be important.

117
00:07:46,956 --> 00:07:49,316
Hiya. You all right?

118
00:07:49,316 --> 00:07:51,756
No, I didn't just try
and cut you off!

119
00:07:51,756 --> 00:07:53,716
I went to answer
and pressed the wrong button.

120
00:07:53,716 --> 00:07:56,556
Your family interrupting
our lovemaking, as usual!

121
00:07:56,556 --> 00:07:58,636
No, me Mum's not here.
Not so loud, eh?

122
00:07:58,636 --> 00:08:01,676
No, she wouldn't leave the door
wide open. OK.

123
00:08:01,676 --> 00:08:04,356
OK. Yeah.

124
00:08:04,356 --> 00:08:06,076
Ta-ra.

125
00:08:06,076 --> 00:08:07,396
Me Mum's gone missing.

126
00:08:07,396 --> 00:08:09,196
Oh, here we go!

127
00:08:12,516 --> 00:08:17,276
'The light
from these stars set out on its journey billions of years ago.'

128
00:08:17,276 --> 00:08:19,396
Nearly as old as me!

129
00:08:21,276 --> 00:08:23,156
Midget Gem?

130
00:08:23,156 --> 00:08:26,156
Oh, thanks, love.

131
00:08:29,516 --> 00:08:31,676
The universe is so big.

132
00:08:34,076 --> 00:08:37,396
And we are so small.

133
00:08:43,636 --> 00:08:46,036
Why don't we track
and trace her phone?

134
00:08:46,036 --> 00:08:48,236
Has it got GPS on it? 'GPS?'

135
00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:51,796
What do you reckon? She's got
the cheapest, crappiest phone.

136
00:08:51,796 --> 00:08:54,276
She got it free with the Persil.
'OK.'

137
00:08:54,276 --> 00:08:56,276
Well, I'm nearly done here.

138
00:08:56,276 --> 00:09:00,836
But I thought I'd pick out a nice
picture of all the family and get it framed for your mum.

139
00:09:00,836 --> 00:09:04,196
But there isn't one of everyone,
so I might have to Photoshop one.

140
00:09:04,196 --> 00:09:05,796
It'll take no time.

141
00:09:07,476 --> 00:09:11,156
OK, I'll see you later.

142
00:09:11,156 --> 00:09:13,676
Right, only a few to look through.

143
00:09:16,836 --> 00:09:18,876
Only 22,000.

144
00:09:18,876 --> 00:09:21,756
So the back door was wide open?

145
00:09:21,756 --> 00:09:23,556
Well, it was unlocked.

146
00:09:23,556 --> 00:09:27,676
Well, that's completely different.
You said it was wide open. Did I?

147
00:09:27,676 --> 00:09:31,116
Yeah, that's why I'm here.
She probably forgot to lock it. Have you called her?

148
00:09:31,116 --> 00:09:35,196
Yeah. One got cut off and now
it's just ringing out. But look!

149
00:09:37,396 --> 00:09:40,196
Oh. Maybe she just knocked it.

150
00:09:40,196 --> 00:09:43,276
Maybe someone's been through here,
looking for stuff to rob.

151
00:09:43,276 --> 00:09:44,716
Has anything been taken?

152
00:09:44,716 --> 00:09:47,716
I can't tell. Shall we have a look
to see if anything's not here?

153
00:09:47,716 --> 00:09:49,756
I've got a headache now.

154
00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:05,836
'Front sitting room there,
it's got some nice floorboards,

155
00:10:05,836 --> 00:10:07,676
'an open fire, which is good to see.

156
00:10:07,676 --> 00:10:10,276
'Stairs into your bedrooms there.

157
00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:13,396
'Through into the rear living room
area. Now, this is nice!'

158
00:10:13,396 --> 00:10:17,516
'And so our journey
comes to an end.'

159
00:10:26,836 --> 00:10:27,996
Hello.

160
00:10:27,996 --> 00:10:31,156
Hiya, Nan. We're in yours.
Where are you?

161
00:10:31,156 --> 00:10:35,356
I'm just worried because she's been
seeming a bit low lately.

162
00:10:35,356 --> 00:10:37,396
What do you think this could mean?

163
00:10:37,396 --> 00:10:39,796
I don't know.
What are you thinking, Miss Marple?

164
00:10:39,796 --> 00:10:42,436
Someone called Gus, and a number.

165
00:10:42,436 --> 00:10:46,236
Who's Gus? And what do you think
the number is? A pin number?

166
00:10:46,236 --> 00:10:47,676
Combination to a safe?

167
00:10:47,676 --> 00:10:51,276
You shouldn't have picked that up in
case they need to dust for prints. Do you think?

168
00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:52,716
No, Of course not!

169
00:10:54,116 --> 00:10:57,516
It's "Gas", not "Gus".

170
00:10:57,516 --> 00:11:00,516
It's the gas meter. She's done
a meter reading, that's all.

171
00:11:00,516 --> 00:11:02,436
Oh-h!

172
00:11:02,436 --> 00:11:03,716
Have you had enough sleep?

173
00:11:03,716 --> 00:11:06,796
Liam got up at half-past five,
Jack at six.

174
00:11:06,796 --> 00:11:08,916
It'll be my bedtime soon.

175
00:11:08,916 --> 00:11:11,236
Yeah, well, this is supposed
to be my bathtime.

176
00:11:11,236 --> 00:11:13,876
She'll have gone to Sainsbury's
and forgot to lock the door.

177
00:11:13,876 --> 00:11:15,156
I'm off.

178
00:11:17,036 --> 00:11:20,556
Turn this off.
We're going to see Nan.

179
00:11:20,556 --> 00:11:23,396
I was watching that!
It was Homes Under The Hammer.

180
00:11:23,396 --> 00:11:26,556
But we've got to go. I wanted to see
how much the bungalow goes for!

181
00:11:26,556 --> 00:11:28,996
The last thing I need
is you two fighting.

182
00:11:28,996 --> 00:11:31,156
I was only trying to help!
They built an extension!

183
00:11:31,156 --> 00:11:32,716
I want no more
out of the pair of you.

184
00:11:32,716 --> 00:11:36,596
But Homes Under The Hammer's me
favourite! I've just spoken to... Not another word. Zip it.

185
00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:38,796
Fine. Your loss!

186
00:11:42,316 --> 00:11:44,076
Ah, that's better.

187
00:11:45,476 --> 00:11:50,916
Erm, Mum! Come here, quick!

188
00:11:50,916 --> 00:11:53,116
What is it? I'm in the bath.

189
00:11:53,116 --> 00:11:54,756
It's important!

190
00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:57,756
Oh, it's always important when
I'm trying to get a minute's peace.

191
00:11:57,756 --> 00:11:59,956
Leave me alone! Mum, you've got
to come and see this.

192
00:11:59,956 --> 00:12:02,476
Can't I have a minute's peace?

193
00:12:02,476 --> 00:12:04,236
Can I smell burning?

194
00:12:04,236 --> 00:12:06,876
You see,
I told you it was important!

195
00:12:06,876 --> 00:12:08,396
The shed's on fire.

196
00:12:08,396 --> 00:12:09,836
You what?!

197
00:12:17,356 --> 00:12:20,916
Maybe she's in here somewhere.
It's worth a try.

198
00:12:20,916 --> 00:12:23,076
I can tell you now,
she won't be here.

199
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:26,556
Jack, what have I told you?
I want silence from now.

200
00:12:28,196 --> 00:12:31,876
And me dad's up here somewhere.

201
00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:33,916
Is that her there?

202
00:12:33,916 --> 00:12:36,076
Mum! Mother!

203
00:12:36,076 --> 00:12:38,476
I'm not your mother, love.

204
00:12:38,476 --> 00:12:40,036
Sorry, I...

205
00:12:40,036 --> 00:12:42,836
Does your mother come here?
I'd know if she did.

206
00:12:42,836 --> 00:12:44,316
I'm here every day.

207
00:12:44,316 --> 00:12:47,596
From first thing in the morning,
till they shut the gates.

208
00:12:48,956 --> 00:12:51,076
It's what he would've wanted.

209
00:12:51,076 --> 00:12:52,796
It's my Alfie's birthday today.

210
00:12:52,796 --> 00:12:55,956
Oh? 63, he is, or would've been.

211
00:12:55,956 --> 00:12:58,276
Always had a toddy on his birthday.

212
00:12:58,276 --> 00:13:02,436
One for him, one for me.

213
00:13:02,436 --> 00:13:03,956
Do you want a drop?

214
00:13:03,956 --> 00:13:05,716
No, thanks.

215
00:13:06,916 --> 00:13:08,316
To Alfie.

216
00:13:08,316 --> 00:13:10,716
Happy birthday.

217
00:13:10,716 --> 00:13:12,156
Come on, kids.

218
00:13:13,676 --> 00:13:17,676
? Happy birthday to you... ?

219
00:13:17,676 --> 00:13:21,636
? Happy birthday to you

220
00:13:21,636 --> 00:13:23,836
? Happy birthday...

221
00:13:23,836 --> 00:13:26,196
? Dear Alfie... ?
I was enjoying that!

222
00:13:27,276 --> 00:13:32,876
? Happy birthday to yo-o-o-ou! ?

223
00:13:35,276 --> 00:13:37,076
Ah! It's my mother.

224
00:13:37,076 --> 00:13:38,676
At last!

225
00:13:40,396 --> 00:13:42,676
Mum?

226
00:13:42,676 --> 00:13:44,596
Hello?

227
00:13:44,596 --> 00:13:46,676
Can you hear me?

228
00:13:46,676 --> 00:13:48,076
She's not speaking.

229
00:13:48,076 --> 00:13:51,836
Maybe she's in trouble
and trying to secretly ring us!

230
00:13:51,836 --> 00:13:53,076
Mother?

231
00:13:55,036 --> 00:13:57,556
I can hear her.
She's saying something ...

232
00:13:57,556 --> 00:14:00,996
What? I can't make it out. Wait.

233
00:14:00,996 --> 00:14:04,236
She's telling someone...

234
00:14:04,236 --> 00:14:05,996
a recipe for flapjacks.

235
00:14:05,996 --> 00:14:07,636
She's phoned me from her bag again.

236
00:14:07,636 --> 00:14:09,196
She's sat on her phone!

237
00:14:09,196 --> 00:14:10,436
Mother!

238
00:14:10,436 --> 00:14:12,676
'Can you hear us?
Where are you?'

239
00:14:12,676 --> 00:14:16,156
Dead easy to make. I had all
the stuff in, so I rustled them together last night.

240
00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:19,316
Chucked them in me bag
in case I felt peckish.

241
00:14:21,956 --> 00:14:24,276
Would you like one of these?
Oh, go on. Yeah.

242
00:14:24,276 --> 00:14:26,836
'Mum! Mum!

243
00:14:26,836 --> 00:14:29,516
'Mother!' Is that a wasp?

244
00:14:29,516 --> 00:14:32,396
Where is she?

245
00:14:32,396 --> 00:14:35,556
Nan's at the World Museum
in Liverpool.

246
00:14:35,556 --> 00:14:36,916
How do you know?

247
00:14:36,916 --> 00:14:38,716
She told me she'd gone there.

248
00:14:38,716 --> 00:14:40,836
I called her from the house phone
in the hall.

249
00:14:40,836 --> 00:14:42,836
Well, why didn't you say something?

250
00:14:42,836 --> 00:14:46,636
I tried to, but you said I wasn't
allowed to say another word!

251
00:15:09,676 --> 00:15:11,236
Come on!

252
00:15:11,236 --> 00:15:13,036
Hurry, or we'll miss it!

253
00:15:26,156 --> 00:15:29,476
Oh! That's a nice one of Eileen.

254
00:15:29,476 --> 00:15:31,236
I'll have that.

255
00:15:34,916 --> 00:15:36,356
Oh, that looks quite nice.

256
00:15:36,356 --> 00:15:37,676
They're nice, them.

257
00:15:37,676 --> 00:15:40,036
Oh, right!

258
00:15:40,036 --> 00:15:43,236
One of me favourites.
Lovely with a few peas on the side.

259
00:15:43,236 --> 00:15:45,076
You can't go wrong with peas. Yeah!

260
00:15:45,076 --> 00:15:48,596
Just pop, pop, pop, pop
in the microwave and you're done.

261
00:15:48,596 --> 00:15:50,956
I like to eat them out the packet.

262
00:15:50,956 --> 00:15:53,476
No cleaning.
You spend your life cleaning.

263
00:15:53,476 --> 00:15:55,716
Oh, yeah, tell me about it!

264
00:15:55,716 --> 00:15:58,716
Meals for one, eh?

265
00:15:58,716 --> 00:16:00,636
Eh?

266
00:16:02,316 --> 00:16:03,476
Well, yeah.

267
00:16:03,476 --> 00:16:05,236
Just you on your lonesome, is it?

268
00:16:05,236 --> 00:16:06,756
I wouldn't put it quite like that.

269
00:16:06,756 --> 00:16:08,716
Nothing to be ashamed of,
living alone.

270
00:16:08,716 --> 00:16:10,076
I'm not ashamed. It's just...

271
00:16:10,076 --> 00:16:11,876
It comes to us all. Well...

272
00:16:11,876 --> 00:16:15,716
You start out part of a big,
jolly family, surrounded by

273
00:16:15,716 --> 00:16:19,236
all these happy people,
and then they all disappear and die.

274
00:16:19,236 --> 00:16:23,156
Till it's just you,
the remote control,

275
00:16:23,156 --> 00:16:27,116
a single bar on the fire,
meal for one.

276
00:16:27,116 --> 00:16:28,716
Crying yourself to sleep.

277
00:16:28,716 --> 00:16:30,836
Comes to us all.

278
00:16:33,636 --> 00:16:36,236
And I'll tell you something else -

279
00:16:36,236 --> 00:16:39,756
that's lovely with a sticky
toffee pudding for afters.

280
00:16:39,756 --> 00:16:41,076
Nice meeting you.

281
00:16:44,556 --> 00:16:46,556
Thanks for that!

282
00:16:51,916 --> 00:16:53,356
Sod that.

283
00:17:00,036 --> 00:17:02,556
How is them setting fire
to the shed my fault?

284
00:17:02,556 --> 00:17:05,476
If I hadn't have been in the bath,
I'd have known what they were up to!

285
00:17:05,476 --> 00:17:09,636
And if you hadn't been gallivanting
with the Addams Family, you'd have been here to stop 'em.

286
00:17:09,636 --> 00:17:11,436
Just so I know.

287
00:17:11,436 --> 00:17:14,076
Aren't you cold like that?

288
00:17:14,076 --> 00:17:18,556
No. Luckily, I've had a burning
shed to keep me warm!

289
00:17:18,556 --> 00:17:20,516
Oh, here, look... Forget it.

290
00:17:22,116 --> 00:17:24,596
Shut up, you.

291
00:17:24,596 --> 00:17:27,716
Be careful with that, please.
I'll take them back to the shop!

292
00:17:31,556 --> 00:17:36,116
Mother! Thank God.
I've been ringing you all day.

293
00:17:36,116 --> 00:17:37,476
Where are you?

294
00:17:37,476 --> 00:17:39,596
I'm on the sofa, having a cuppa.

295
00:17:39,596 --> 00:17:41,676
You are joking?

296
00:17:41,676 --> 00:17:44,356
Where are you?
At the World Museum!

297
00:17:44,356 --> 00:17:47,796
No! I was there earlier. I know!

298
00:17:47,796 --> 00:17:49,756
What a shame we missed each other.

299
00:17:49,756 --> 00:17:52,036
The reason we're here...

300
00:17:53,836 --> 00:17:55,356
I give up.

301
00:17:55,356 --> 00:17:58,156
Do you want to come round for
your teas? I'm doing a barbecue.

302
00:17:58,156 --> 00:18:00,956
I've got loads of sausages
and some burgers,

303
00:18:00,956 --> 00:18:03,116
so bring anything
you want to chuck on.

304
00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:05,916
OK. See you in a bit. 'See you!'

305
00:18:07,996 --> 00:18:11,196
A barbecue.
In the middle of winter...

306
00:18:12,716 --> 00:18:14,276
Not smiling.

307
00:18:15,436 --> 00:18:16,716
Not smiling.

308
00:18:18,116 --> 00:18:19,356
Not smiling.

309
00:18:21,436 --> 00:18:24,596
There's got to be one.

310
00:18:47,116 --> 00:18:50,316
That's all that's left, I'm afraid.
Safe to go back in the house.

311
00:18:50,316 --> 00:18:52,116
How the hell did this happen?

312
00:18:52,116 --> 00:18:54,476
It was her fault. She made me do it.

313
00:18:54,476 --> 00:18:57,196
I only said I'd give you 50p
if you set something on fire!

314
00:18:57,196 --> 00:18:58,956
I was thinking more of a newspaper.

315
00:18:58,956 --> 00:19:00,876
And where's me 50p?

316
00:19:00,876 --> 00:19:02,756
Don't be a moron. You're the moron.

317
00:19:02,756 --> 00:19:06,516
Enough. You're both grounded.
Now go to your rooms.

318
00:19:06,516 --> 00:19:09,076
You hated that shed anyway.
It was full of crap.

319
00:19:09,076 --> 00:19:10,996
It'll save you a trip to the dump.

320
00:19:12,516 --> 00:19:14,876
It's me mum. Course it is!

321
00:19:14,876 --> 00:19:16,876
Hiya, Mum, are you all right?

322
00:19:18,956 --> 00:19:20,676
Have you been in here all day?

323
00:19:20,676 --> 00:19:24,316
It smells like a teenage boy's
bedroom. All boffs and BO!

324
00:19:24,316 --> 00:19:28,156
I've nearly done a photo of us
all together.

325
00:19:28,156 --> 00:19:31,036
I'm a bit shaky.
There's too much coffee.

326
00:19:31,036 --> 00:19:32,956
You look like a smackhead.

327
00:19:32,956 --> 00:19:35,356
Come on,
we're going to me mum's for tea.

328
00:19:35,356 --> 00:19:37,636
You found her, then? Not really.

329
00:19:37,636 --> 00:19:42,196
The main problem was Mandy.
There aren't any of her smiling.

330
00:19:42,196 --> 00:19:43,516
Oh, there's a surprise!

331
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:45,316
I did find one eventually, though.

332
00:19:45,316 --> 00:19:49,636
So I've morphed her smiling head
onto this photo with everyone else.

333
00:19:49,636 --> 00:19:51,036
What do you think?

334
00:19:52,876 --> 00:19:54,436
I think you need some fresh air.

335
00:19:54,436 --> 00:19:57,436
No, no, no, I haven't finished yet.
Don't judge me on that!

336
00:19:57,436 --> 00:20:00,876
You've lost the plot. Why has
Mandy got a white cowboy hat on?

337
00:20:00,876 --> 00:20:04,476
The only photo of Mandy smiling
is from that fancy dress party

338
00:20:04,476 --> 00:20:06,596
she went to years ago
as Dolly Parton.

339
00:20:06,596 --> 00:20:09,516
Hey, what are you doing...?!
Get dressed!

340
00:20:33,596 --> 00:20:35,396
Me mum's fine,
you'll be glad to know.

341
00:20:35,396 --> 00:20:37,836
Panic over.
She's invited us for tea.

342
00:20:37,836 --> 00:20:39,276
And before you say anything,

343
00:20:39,276 --> 00:20:41,756
it'll save you getting reacquainted
with the microwave.

344
00:20:41,756 --> 00:20:45,036
Ah, sound!
Mum's cooking tastes like puke.

345
00:20:45,036 --> 00:20:46,596
And not even fresh puke.

346
00:20:46,596 --> 00:20:49,156
You two are meant to be
under house arrest.

347
00:20:49,156 --> 00:20:51,876
Go on then. I can't be arsed seeing
what's in me chest freezers.

348
00:20:51,876 --> 00:20:54,476
I need to get away from the
smell of smoke. What are we having?

349
00:20:54,476 --> 00:20:56,716
Barbecue. Oh, great!

350
00:20:58,756 --> 00:21:00,596
Wow!

351
00:21:00,596 --> 00:21:03,916
Found you at last!
No thanks to this lot.

352
00:21:03,916 --> 00:21:06,076
It's all magic-ness.

353
00:21:06,076 --> 00:21:07,836
Oh, thank you!

354
00:21:07,836 --> 00:21:10,676
I thought we'd have
a winter stars and moon party.

355
00:21:10,676 --> 00:21:13,756
Really? Got you some sausages.

356
00:21:13,756 --> 00:21:15,196
Oh, thank you.

357
00:21:15,196 --> 00:21:18,516
I bought a telescope from Argos
so we can look at the stars.

358
00:21:18,516 --> 00:21:21,996
There's an app you can get
where you hold your phone up

359
00:21:21,996 --> 00:21:24,076
and the GPS tells you where
all the stars are.

360
00:21:24,076 --> 00:21:26,156
See, if you got one of these,
Eileen...

361
00:21:26,156 --> 00:21:28,956
Let's just make do with the
telescope tonight. But thanks, Ray.

362
00:21:28,956 --> 00:21:30,996
What stars can you see, kids?

363
00:21:30,996 --> 00:21:33,876
None. It's all cloudy.

364
00:21:33,876 --> 00:21:37,156
Oh, never mind! Your dad will fix
that with his iPhone.

365
00:21:37,156 --> 00:21:38,436
We're here!

366
00:21:38,436 --> 00:21:40,876
Let's get this party started.

367
00:21:40,876 --> 00:21:42,916
Oh, lovely red flames!

368
00:21:42,916 --> 00:21:44,596
It needs a bit more coal.

369
00:21:44,596 --> 00:21:46,996
We've had enough of that
for one day, firestarter.

370
00:21:46,996 --> 00:21:50,276
Here you are. Mandy's got tons of
them. Gets them cheap from work.

371
00:21:50,276 --> 00:21:52,556
It's the only perk
of working at Iceland.

372
00:21:52,556 --> 00:21:55,636
I've got some fresh food here,
if anyone fancies it.

373
00:21:55,636 --> 00:21:57,636
You're only going to set fire to it.

374
00:21:57,636 --> 00:22:00,996
I don't like the smoke.
Has anyone got a gas mask?

375
00:22:09,076 --> 00:22:12,436
Aren't you coming out?
It's freezing out there.

376
00:22:12,436 --> 00:22:14,276
What do you think all this is about?

377
00:22:14,276 --> 00:22:16,876
She's just enjoying herself.
I think it's great.

378
00:22:16,876 --> 00:22:18,396
I love a barbie any time of year.

379
00:22:18,396 --> 00:22:20,836
Do you think she's all right?
Healthy?

380
00:22:20,836 --> 00:22:22,356
What do you mean?

381
00:22:22,356 --> 00:22:25,356
You hear of parents acting strangely
when they get older

382
00:22:25,356 --> 00:22:29,276
and it's turns out it's
the beginning of, you know ...

383
00:22:29,276 --> 00:22:30,756
Shall we ask her?

384
00:22:30,756 --> 00:22:32,716
"Hey, Mum,
are you going fruit-loop?"

385
00:22:32,716 --> 00:22:34,116
I'm just concerned.

386
00:22:34,116 --> 00:22:36,116
She has lost her husband, you know.

387
00:22:36,116 --> 00:22:37,996
We can allow her to be
a bit off-kilter.

388
00:22:37,996 --> 00:22:40,756
I know it's early days,
but what will people think?

389
00:22:40,756 --> 00:22:43,596
Who cares what people think,
as long as she's happy.

390
00:22:43,596 --> 00:22:46,836
Where's the ketchup? I don't know
what my dad would have made of this.

391
00:22:46,836 --> 00:22:49,076
It's exactly the sort of thing
he'd have done.

392
00:22:49,076 --> 00:22:50,876
He loved a burnt banger.

393
00:22:50,876 --> 00:22:53,676
In August, maybe!

394
00:22:53,676 --> 00:22:55,196
Here you are, boys.

395
00:22:55,196 --> 00:22:58,116
My Very Energetic Mother
Just Served Us Noodles.

396
00:22:59,476 --> 00:23:00,836
You've lost me now.

397
00:23:00,836 --> 00:23:02,836
It's how you learn all the planets.

398
00:23:02,836 --> 00:23:07,116
Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars,
Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune.

399
00:23:07,116 --> 00:23:09,396
Isn't that clever?

400
00:23:09,396 --> 00:23:10,756
Where's Pluto?

401
00:23:10,756 --> 00:23:14,356
Pluto's a moon, not a planet.
There's Pluto here. Of course he is.

402
00:23:14,356 --> 00:23:16,636
Oh, I better get that.

403
00:23:16,636 --> 00:23:18,636
It's going to be burnt to buggery!

404
00:23:20,676 --> 00:23:22,156
Here you are, Mum.

405
00:23:22,156 --> 00:23:24,476
Oh, thanks, love.

406
00:23:24,476 --> 00:23:26,436
Where did you get them?

407
00:23:26,436 --> 00:23:28,556
Upstairs in the drawer.
They were mine.

408
00:23:28,556 --> 00:23:31,876
30 years ago. Suits you.

409
00:23:31,876 --> 00:23:33,156
Melissa...

410
00:23:33,156 --> 00:23:37,156
I didn't quite understand
why you went to the museum today.

411
00:23:37,156 --> 00:23:38,636
I just felt like it.

412
00:23:38,636 --> 00:23:42,956
We were just worried,
the way stuff was left. The mess.

413
00:23:42,956 --> 00:23:45,156
And the back door was unlocked.

414
00:23:45,156 --> 00:23:47,396
Oh, was it?
Well, there's nothing to rob.

415
00:23:47,396 --> 00:23:50,236
My Dad's picture all smashed.

416
00:23:50,236 --> 00:23:52,516
Oh, I know.
It fell when I moved the cupboard.

417
00:23:52,516 --> 00:23:54,996
But I've got a new one now.
It's much better.

418
00:23:54,996 --> 00:23:57,316
And then I came across
the holiday photos.

419
00:23:57,316 --> 00:23:58,996
Took me right back.

420
00:23:58,996 --> 00:24:00,676
That was ages ago.

421
00:24:00,676 --> 00:24:03,476
I know. Some wonderful
ones of the Northern Lights.

422
00:24:03,476 --> 00:24:05,796
So, I thought, sod it.

423
00:24:05,796 --> 00:24:09,036
I left everything
and went to look at more stars.

424
00:24:09,036 --> 00:24:12,436
Even went up the cemetery
to look for you.

425
00:24:13,436 --> 00:24:15,516
Really?

426
00:24:15,516 --> 00:24:17,076
Is that where you think I should be?

427
00:24:17,076 --> 00:24:19,516
No!

428
00:24:19,516 --> 00:24:22,276
But some people go there a lot.

429
00:24:22,276 --> 00:24:24,116
You hardly go, do you?

430
00:24:26,596 --> 00:24:29,476
I just thought you might have...

431
00:24:31,636 --> 00:24:33,116
I don't know.

432
00:24:33,116 --> 00:24:36,556
Your dad wouldn't want me
sitting up there all day long.

433
00:24:36,556 --> 00:24:40,356
The last thing he'd want is me
moping about and missing him.

434
00:24:40,356 --> 00:24:43,116
And I do miss him.

435
00:24:43,116 --> 00:24:48,116
But I just want to try
and live my life.

436
00:24:49,316 --> 00:24:51,196
Well, that's me told.

437
00:24:52,716 --> 00:24:57,196
I can't sit in the corner
wearing black like me Nin did

438
00:24:57,196 --> 00:25:00,316
when me Granddad died,
and wait for the end.

439
00:25:01,676 --> 00:25:05,356
I don't know what's going to happen,
and I am scared...

440
00:25:06,916 --> 00:25:10,116
..but I'm excited.

441
00:25:10,116 --> 00:25:12,876
Sorry, Mum.

442
00:25:14,636 --> 00:25:16,076
You'll be all right.

443
00:25:16,076 --> 00:25:17,756
I can see something!

444
00:25:17,756 --> 00:25:20,156
Oh, can you see the stars now?

445
00:25:20,156 --> 00:25:22,316
I can see a funny-looking man
watching us.

446
00:25:22,316 --> 00:25:25,876
Oh, that's weird Steve next door.
Give him a wave, kids.

447
00:25:25,876 --> 00:25:28,476
Hello!

448
00:25:28,476 --> 00:25:32,396
Hey, we've got everyone here.
Why don't I do a photo now?

449
00:25:32,396 --> 00:25:34,036
Oh, leave it, Ray!

450
00:25:34,036 --> 00:25:35,396
What are you talking about?

451
00:25:35,396 --> 00:25:38,756
I was going through me photos
on me computer. All 40,000 of them.

452
00:25:38,756 --> 00:25:41,036
And there isn't one
of us all together.

453
00:25:41,036 --> 00:25:43,436
Can you believe that? No.
I did Photoshop one...

454
00:25:43,436 --> 00:25:45,276
Which was crap!

455
00:25:45,276 --> 00:25:48,356
That's because you wouldn't let me
finish it off! I wasn't finished!

456
00:25:48,356 --> 00:25:50,956
So why don't I take one now?

457
00:25:50,956 --> 00:25:52,476
Can we? Can we?

458
00:25:52,476 --> 00:25:55,236
Well, yeah, why not? All right, OK.

459
00:25:55,236 --> 00:25:57,036
Everyone, get in a line.

460
00:25:57,036 --> 00:26:00,916
I'll balance it on a wheelie bin
and then run into shot.

461
00:26:00,916 --> 00:26:05,316
Oh, get the brown one,
the garden waste. It's the biggest.

462
00:26:05,316 --> 00:26:08,076
Right, kids in front.
You in the middle, Mum. OK.

463
00:26:15,716 --> 00:26:18,076
Ethan!
Well, get off me foot!

464
00:26:18,076 --> 00:26:21,756
I'm not on your foot, you imbecile.
Do you even know what that means?

465
00:26:21,756 --> 00:26:22,996
Yeah, it's you!

466
00:26:22,996 --> 00:26:25,476
Do I have to split youse two up?
Can we just get on with it?

467
00:26:25,476 --> 00:26:26,796
Right, smile.

468
00:26:26,796 --> 00:26:28,956
That's good, everyone.

469
00:26:28,956 --> 00:26:31,356
Liam, take your hands
from over your eyes.

470
00:26:31,356 --> 00:26:33,956
I don't like the flash.
It can blind me for life.

471
00:26:33,956 --> 00:26:35,796
Don't be daft!

472
00:26:35,796 --> 00:26:38,636
This is nice, us all together. Aw!

473
00:26:38,636 --> 00:26:41,476
You're not getting
all emotional, are you?

474
00:26:41,476 --> 00:26:43,796
No! It's that burger
repeating on me.

475
00:26:43,796 --> 00:26:46,396
They were cooked through. I checked.
Mine was burnt.

476
00:26:46,396 --> 00:26:48,436
It's me own fault.
I ate it too quickly.

477
00:26:48,436 --> 00:26:51,636
All right, here we go.

478
00:26:51,636 --> 00:26:52,796
Come on.

479
00:27:04,596 --> 00:27:07,276
Have you done it right?
Yeah, keep smiling.

480
00:27:08,556 --> 00:27:10,036
Oh, for crying out loud!

481
00:27:10,036 --> 00:27:12,556
I can't keep this rictus grin.

482
00:27:12,556 --> 00:27:13,916
It's going to go.

483
00:27:15,556 --> 00:27:18,156
Oh, would you look at that?

484
00:27:20,356 --> 00:27:22,236
Oh!

485
00:27:25,956 --> 00:27:28,116
Maybe it's not...

486
00:28:16,841 --> 00:28:21,391
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